We could just take a different path there’s actually a detour off the–” “But,” someone would pipe up from the back, “there are houses on the road now–we’re gonna run right into them. GPS who? I’m the Allfather, I’m riding the same way I always ride.Īnd that was pretty much it: “I took this road last year and I’m taking it again this year.” Odin was also known as the Allfather, and like any father, he hated asking for directions. And hearing it did not spark the same sense of childish glee you felt when you thought you heard Santa’s sleigh bells approaching as a kid–instead, the Vikings said, you should be afraid. That was the thing, though you never actually saw Odin’s hunt–you only heard it. Variations of the Wild Hunt story exist in a bunch of European folklore–in Odin’s case, he usually brought along a bunch of supernatural buddies, like spirits and other gods and Valkyries and ghost dogs, who, the Vikings said, you could hear howling and barking as the group approached (GOOD DOGGOS). In Norse mythology, Odin, who was sort of the head god but preferred to be on a perpetual road trip instead, took an annual nighttime ride through the winter sky called the Wild Hunt.Ībove: The holidays, now with 300% more heavy metal. The whole “leave out cookies and milk for Santa” thing comes from a much older tradition of trying to appease old guys with white beards. Leaving out treats for Sleipnir in the hopes of avoiding Odin’s complete disregard for your property (Quick clarification: early celebrations of Saturnalia did feature human sacrifice, so let’s just leave that bit out and instead wear the pointy hats and sing naked, okay? Io Saturnalia, everybody.)Ģ. The king was basically the head idiot who delivered absurd commands to everyone there, like, “Sing naked!” or “run around screaming for an hour,” or “slap your butt cheeks real hard in front of your crush DO IT, Brutus.” Partygoers also crowned a King of Saturnalia, which was a predecessor to the King of Fools popular in medieval festivals. Historians have records of people giving each other some truly impressive white elephant gifts for Saturnalia, including: a parrot, balls, toothpicks, a pig, one single sausage, spoons, and deliberately awful books of poetry. The most famous part (besides getting drunk off your rocker) was gift-giving–usually gag gifts. Gambling was allowed on Saturnalia, so all of Rome basically turned into ancient Vegas, complete with Caesar’s Palace, except with the actual Caesar and his palace because he was, you know. Everyone wore a coned hat called the pilleusto denote that they were all bros and equal, and also to disguise the fact that they hadn’t brushed their hair after partying hard all week, probably. As the name suggests, it celebrated the god Saturn, who represented wealth and liberty and generally having a great time.Ībove: Their party is way cooler than yours could ever hope to be.ĭuring Saturnalia, masters would serve their slaves, because it was the one day during the year when everybody agreed that freedom for all is great, actually, let’s just do that. Saturnalia was the ancient Roman winter festival held on December 25th–which is why we celebrate Christmas on that day and not on the day historians speculate Jesus was actually born, which was probably in the spring. Here comes Santa Claus, and also a bunch of annual holiday Things we do to ensure he commits a truly boggling act of breaking and entering and leaves goods underneath the large plant in the living room.īecause I’ve always got a hankerin’ for the days of yore, here are some historical holiday traditions we really need to bring back:ġ.
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